Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Randomize
