No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Blood and glitter go together right?
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
