toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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