I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
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