all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
You have to summon your inner elephant
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
