just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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