they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
