my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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