She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
