last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
