Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
