I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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