i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize