of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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