that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
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