It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
