Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Randomize