Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
