I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Text me some of your sweat
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize