He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Randomize
