Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
