I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
