i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
He felt like a one man threesome
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
We are all done wearing pants today
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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