how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize