I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Mom said you looked used
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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