Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Is her dick bigger than yours?
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Randomize
