i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize