took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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