I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
