I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
