He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
