Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
