i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize