i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize