Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
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