The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
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