don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
