just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
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