I hate your face
i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
