So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Shame - the story of my life.
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