Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
