I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
