The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
