his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
