The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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