omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
