He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Randomize
