Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
