and you said cock pushups were impossible
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
