brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Randomize
