that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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