you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Randomize
