Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
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