pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
