This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Randomize