Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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