I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize