so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Randomize
