Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
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