woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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