dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize