dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
