He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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