dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
