I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
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