you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
