Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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