Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Randomize
