Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Randomize
