Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Randomize
