the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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