I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
